Peculiar Soul

Chapter 124: Turnabout

Chapter 124: Turnabout

I live inside a glass cage. Ive always known that this would be the case, were I to receive the soul of the Star, but the reality of my confinement is beginning to make itself felt upon me in ways I failed to anticipate.

The problem is that I, Leire, do not live in a glass cage. I have, and likely should sell, a lovely little flat near the Goitxea harbor, which is convenient to the Batzar administrative offices and a few excellent restaurants that I find myself pining for. I enjoy walks on the harbor, or reading on my balcony, or sitting until late at a cafe discussing things with my friends.

And I find that, absent all of these stimuli, the vine of my self is beginning to wither away, replaced by this strange woman named the Sixteenth Star, who spends all of her time venting her misplaced irritation on her attentive and quite blameless staff. Who picks at her food and prowls what hallways are permitted to her at odd hours, who spends her time writing rambling diaries that refer to herself in the third person.

Even to me, it bears the whiff of insanity - but what is insanity except a person unable to state with certainty who and what they are? Circumstances have denied Leire Gabarains existence, as she was. There is a woman who might stand in her place - a worthy woman, I think, and one who might effect great change in the world if she released her grip on sentiment and let the wilting remnants of her former self slip away.

It is something I think Ive actually said before, with an air of great wisdom, even though it wasnt until now that I truly understood what it meant: change starts from within. Pithy, at best, but now I brood on it. The world has changed, and I may no longer be the woman who lived in it. I shall build my new world in a self fit to live there, first - and then begin the messy business of ensuring that she thrives.

- Leire Gabarain, Annals of the Sixteenth Star, 645.

Sobriquets hand gripped the edge of the table. She leaned forward. Theres no way thats possible, she said.

Its actually one of the reasons Leire was so essential to our scientific aims, Lekubarri sighed. Her soul is one of the only energy sources capable of inducing instability in otherwise-mundane materials. The force of the light rips away the fundamental structures of matter, causing them to collide and recombine. The resulting materials are often intensely deadly for short periods of time, and present a lingering risk for months or years afterward.

He shook his head, rubbing a hand across his bald scalp; for the first time, Michael saw a hint of fatigue in the batzarkideas face. Ive been poring over materials all evening, half of it with our scientists on the telefonoa-

Michael cocked his head, but Lekubarri gave him an exhausted wave before he could speak. Like a radio telegram, he said dismissively. Not important. The point is, the finest minds in Mendian have been dedicating their time to this problem, and they all agree that the risk is real, and if anything is more severe than Ive stated it. We simply lack data to make predictions, and nearly everyone with an auspex soul worth mentioning is useless right now - if they havent died outright.

A vision of Caroluss bulging eyes swept across Michaels vision; it was eerily real, without the counterbalance of his mundane sight to check it. He shook his head irritably before looking back to Lekubarri. The entirety of the lands under the storm will be affected? he asked.

Not just those, Lekubarri said darkly. Although the Gharic peninsula will be harmed the most, the wind from the storm will carry the particulates far. The storm is stretching far up into the upper reaches of the sky, carrying the dust into air currents that circulate worldwide. If the storm carries on for long enough, and intensifies to a sufficient degree - which is very plausible, given what weve seen so far - then you will begin to see effects everywhere. Disorders of the lung will be first, especially cancers. Children will be stillborn, or born with deformities- His eyes flicked to Antolin, who gave him a level look in response.

Yes, I was read in on that, Antolin said. The incident in Ilarraitza, downstream from the laboratory. Youre saying the entire continent will be like that?The source of this content nov(el)bi((n))

Lekubarri shook his head. Based on our readings, parts of Pashaluk Qalo are already worse than Ilarraitza ever was. This type of contamination is insidious, slow. It gets into the vegetation, and from there into animals or humans. In Ilarraitza we were able to dig up the topsoil and bury it in sealed vessels, but that was only a single valley. He tapped one thin finger against the circle on the map. As things stand, weve already lost a sizable portion of land for the next several decades. If were quick, and lucky, we may be able to contain the worst damage to merely twice that area. If not- He turned to Sobriquet, then to Amira. Our median prediction is that much of the continental interior will be uninhabitable for the next decade, and unusable for crops for at least another two.

Sobriquets knuckles were white where she gripped the table; Amira looked at Lekubarri impassively.

So we must kill the man at the center of the storm, Amira said. This much hasnt changed. It does us little good to know the harm he will cause if we have no means of stopping it. That is why we came here, is it not? She turned her stare to Antolin. To ask the great minds of Mendian for their wisdom? Or are they only good for worry?

Antolin met her stare, his lips twisting into a smile. Ados. It wont surprise you to learn that weve given the matter some thought, but its not a simple problem. We have countermeasures for killing potentes, and for striking at a lucigens from outside their range. The trouble is that none of our plans takes into account a lucigens who is also a potens, to say nothing of a potens with strength comparable to your own. Any artifex might kill him if they could draw close enough. He turned to Michael. But if youre here, that tells us what your assessment is. So which is it? Are you unable to kill him, or unable to get close?

Mostly the latter, Michael said. I think. When we fought before, he struck at me a few times before I could do the same; any one of those blasts would have knocked me out of the fight had Saleh not intervened to protect me. Michael glanced at Amira, who was still looking unflinchingly at Antolin. Luc has an immense hoard of potens souls. Attacking him through that strength is possible, but slow. He fought against it every step of the way. I would need time-

How much time? Lekubarri asked.

Michael looked at him, annoyed. Couldnt really say. As much as you can give me, if you can give me anything. You must have done research with Leire to protect against attacks from lucigentes, even one as powerful as her. I know you feared the soul would fall into Safid hands.

That we did, Lekubarri said, nodding to Amira. And we made efforts in that regard, some of them quite successful. Reflective materials, ablative metal foams - if nothing else, weve expanded the field of non-artificed metalworking quite considerably in our search. He smiled, seemingly unbothered that nobody else shared his humor. But even at our best we werent able to make something that could stand up to her full strength for more than a moment, and that was an experiment with battleship armor. Perhaps with your friends support it could serve, but its not like we have a sample lying around; to fabricate anything like that would take weeks, and the facilities for it are all in the mountains above Goitxea. I dont think thats the route through this problem.

Then Id appreciate your suggestion on which is the proper way forward, Sobriquet grated. Or did you come here to smile at us and share how bad things are without any thoughts whatsoever on how to address said problems?

Lekubarri hummed, unperturbed by her tone. Plenty of thoughts, my dear, but none of them without caveats. He drummed his fingers upon the table. We have quite a capacity for bombardment. One option in particular-

Amira stood abruptly from her chair to glare at Michael. Why are we here? she snapped, her voice dripping with disgust. Bombardment. Metalwork. That is the heart-eater at the center of the storm. He means to end the world. That is his path, and it can only be withstood by the righteous holding to their own paths. Dont speak to me of experiments and craftwork; this is a contest between men and souls. There can be no substitute.

I dont disagree, Lekubarri said coolly, his eyes shifting to Michael. Ultimately it will be Michael that resolves this, theres little doubt about that. However, we must move forward along the avenues of conversation hes left open to us.

Michael cocked his head, narrowing his eyes at Lekubarri. Maybe you should explain what you mean by that. he said.

The slender batzarkidea drummed his fingers on the table, taking a slow, measured look around the room before allowing his eyes to drift back to Michael. I mean that if were talking about addressing gaps in your capacity, there are more straightforward ways to approach the problem. Ways that youve reacted poorly to in the past.

It took a moment for his meaning to sink in; when it did, Michael leaned forward on the table until the wood creaked under the pressure. Absolutely not, he said. I wont let myself be fattened up with souls, like Spark wanted - or like you tried to do back in Daressa.

Vernon jogged up to the rail platform, a few folded papers clutched in one hand. Were clear for the third car, he said. Had to buy out a few passengers, but its Lekubarris money - I was generous. Well be back in Imes before nightfall. He smiled, nodding towards the carriage in question; it was part of a battered passenger train, one of several that the new Daressan government had inherited from the Safid occupation.

Im surprised he didnt just commandeer the carriage, Sobriquet muttered, taking her ticket from Vernons outstretched hand. Michael did the same. The situation certainly warrants extreme measures.

He probably wanted to avoid a panic. Theres a reason the train was full. Zabala took the rest of the tickets, handing the last two to Brant and Richter. No reason to add that to our plate, not when we can throw the Batzars money at the problem instead.

Michael nodded, still feeling an odd disconnect at the mundanity of it all. Their purpose was nothing less than saving the world, but still they had to be sure the conductor could punch their ticket like civilized passengers. Somewhat civilized, anyway; Michaels appearance had garnered more than a few open stares from those around them, and not for the usual reasons. Men who looked like him werent uncommon after the War, but most of those were bedridden rather than idling on a platform.

He ignored the stares and followed Vernon onto the train. With his typical thoughtfulness, the auditor had booked Sobriquet and Michael a private cabin; as soon as the door clicked shut Sobriquet sprawled out across one of the two benches, her eyes closed.

Michael sat across from her. She was calmer now than she had been at the meeting, but there was still an acid tension that gripped her, flying out to disrupt the calm of their cabin.

Of all the people in that room, he said, I would have thought youd be most in favor of me going after Sofia. Youve pushed me towards it often enough.

She hummed irritably, not opening her eyes. Its not about what I want, she said. Its necessary. Lekubarri wasnt wrong.

Yet you still dont want me to do it. Michael leaned forward. Why?

Slowly, one of her eyes slid open. This is likely to be the last opportunity we have to rest for a while, she said. We should rest.

Michael sighed. Sera-

I dont care if she dies, Sobriquet said, sitting abruptly upright to glare at him. Its certainly her fucking turn. But you do. You always have, because she was nice to you once. Saved your life. I get that. You have your lines that you dont cross, little Michael rules that set the bounds of what you can do. Except now youre going to break the rules and kill her anyway.

Shes done nothing but try and kill me since Daressa, Michael protested. A cartload of innocent bystanders have paid that price in my stead. Turning that around on her isnt unreasonable. I cant let sentiment keep me from- He shook his head, looking to the side. From helping people.

From killing her, you mean, Sobriquet shot back. Or are you making an exception to that rule too? Ive done this before, Michael. I spent the entire War carving off bits of myself, and when it all came to an end I saw how little there was left over. Everyone was talking about what they wanted to do after the War - Lars had Vera and that stupid ship, Vernon had his music, Emil wanted to rebuild the country. But all I could do was keep myself away from those dreams, because I didnt have anything left. I didnt have an after - except for with you.

She sat back down on her bench, looking up at Michael; there were tears in her eyes. I would have stayed in that horrible little flat with you forever, eating stale bread and griping about the cold. But we werent done, and Luc called us back out - and every day since Ive seen you carve away at yourself. Youve given pieces up, even if you dont say anything. And I know that-

Her voice trailed off, and she looked to the side. I know you, she murmured. And I know you wont survive this. Youll kill her, and youll kill Luc, and well come back together - but there wont be an after anymore. Well both still be in our wars, missing what we gave to end them.

Michael looked at her quietly for a long moment, weighing her words in his head. I dont see another way, he said quietly.

Im not sure there is one. Sobriquet wiped at her eyes, slouching against the backrest. Life doesnt always give you good options. I thought you had some. I was even greedy enough to think I could borrow them, for a time. But instead you got mine.

I dont think thats so terrible, Michael said, managing a smile. It faded. Youre not - wrong. Ive given some things up. Some of them I was probably better off without, honestly, but they were mine. My fears, my limits. And those did make me who I was, for a time. But who I am isnt fixed.

He shrugged helplessly. Vera said something once that stuck with me. That were all cascades of thought and whim, tumbling forward through time. Were processes, not some stone carving, and Ive come to understand that we control only the smallest parts of what we are to the world. All I can control is what I am to myself. He found his smile again, reaching out to clasp her hand. And what you are to me.

She gave his hand a squeeze, mustering a smile in return under reddening eyes. And what am I to you? she asked.

Thats a secret, Michael replied, kissing her on the forehead. Ill tell you when we reach Mendian.

His words wrenched a laugh from her; she slid over to his bench and sat with her head resting on his shoulder for a time. Eventually, though, as the engine began to strain against the cars and the station slowly slid behind them, she raised her head once more.

Do you think the flat is still open? she asked. We shouldnt be in Imes for long, but it would be nice to swing back through.

Michael snorted. I cant think why anyone would move in there on purpose, he said. It was drafty, ill-appointed and leaked from the balcony. Its only redeeming quality was that you lived there too.

I rather liked it, she said defensively. It had a cozy feel. We should look into purchasing it - or I should, since Im the only one with any money.

I feel like we can make it work. Michael gave a rueful smile, gesturing vaguely forward to Imes. Well have to talk with Emil about it, after everything else. I imagine hell give us the deed just so we leave him in peace.

That sounds like a good plan. Sobriquet closed her eyes and let her head drop against his shoulder once more. The train began to build its speed, rushing down the long track to Imes. After everything else.